How to Build a Life That Feels Good.

(Not Just Looks Good)

The Apartment That No One Lived In

In 2021, a high-rise luxury apartment in New York City sold for $190 million. The buyer? A billionaire hedge fund manager. The space? A sprawling penthouse overlooking Central Park.

The catch?

He never moved in.

Instead, the apartment sat empty, like many other ultra-luxury properties in Manhattan. It wasn’t a home — it was an asset.

A place to store wealth, not to live.

It’s easy to laugh at the absurdity of a billionaire collecting homes like Pokémon cards, but here’s the uncomfortable truth: many of us do the same thing with our lives.

We collect achievements, not joy.
We pursue status, not meaning.
We build a life that looks good from the outside — but doesn’t necessarily feel good from the inside.

We tell ourselves:
Once I get this job, I’ll be happy.
Once I reach this income, I’ll feel secure.
Once I optimize my habits, I’ll finally be in control.

And then we get there — and nothing changes.

This is the gap between aspirational happiness and real fulfillment. And in 2025, it’s the reason why so many people feel successful but empty.

The Problem with the “Perfect Life”

The modern world has made it easier than ever to craft an image of happiness without actually experiencing it.

We share highlight reels instead of real life.
We optimize productivity but neglect presence.
We track progress in every area — except the things that actually bring us joy.

In The Good Life, Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz summarize 80+ years of research on happiness with a single conclusion:

“The key to a good life isn’t money or success — it’s the strength of your relationships.”​

But relationships aren’t measurable.
Meaning isn’t trackable.
Joy doesn’t fit neatly into an optimization framework.

And that’s where things get complicated.

The Myth of “Having It All”

For decades, we’ve been sold the idea that we can have everything — if we just work hard enough.

Success, wealth, love, purpose, health, freedom — all at once.

But what no one tells you is this: having it all doesn’t mean feeling like you have enough.

Derek Thompson, in Hit Makers, talks about how the illusion of scarcity fuels desire. The moment we attain something, our brain recalibrates its expectations, making us want more.

This is why someone making $100,000 a year thinks they’d be happy at $250,000 — until they get there and decide they need $500,000.

It’s why social media makes us feel inadequate — not because our lives are bad, but because there’s always someone doing better.

And it’s why people spend decades building the perfect life, only to wake up one day and wonder why it doesn’t feel the way they thought it would.

So the real question isn’t how to have it all.

It’s how to design a life that feels good.

The 3-Part Framework for a Life That Feels Good

1 - Clarify Your Definition of “Enough”

If you don’t define what “enough” looks like, the world will define it for you.

Enough money — not in absolute terms, but in terms of what allows you to live with security and freedom.
Enough success — not as a comparison, but as a meaningful measure of work that fulfills you.
Enough well-being — not as an endless optimization project, but as a sustainable rhythm.

Psychologist Barry Schwartz, in The Paradox of Choice, argues that more options don’t make us happier — they make us more anxious​.

Deciding what enough means shrinks the infinite — it frees us to actually enjoy what we have.

2 - Design for Experiences, Not Just Achievements

A resume can be impressive. A bank account can be full. But at the end of life, what do we actually remember?

Not the hours worked, but the people we loved.
Not the perfect routine, but the unforgettable moments.
Not the possessions, but the experiences that shaped us.

The happiest people design their lives around experiences that matter, not just milestones that impress.

Dan Buettner, in The Blue Zones of Happiness, found that the happiest people in the world prioritize shared experiences over personal achievements​.

This is why people in Spain, Costa Rica, and Japan report higher life satisfaction despite lower incomes than the U.S. — they design their lives around community, not competition.

3 - Reclaim Deep Connection in a Digital World

The irony of 2025 is that we have never been more connected — yet more alone.

Social media replaces conversation with curated updates.
AI assistants offer companionship but lack real intimacy.
Digital work makes life flexible but isolates us from real human interaction.

We are “connected” to thousands of people — but how many of them would we call in a crisis?

Johan Hari, in Lost Connections, argues that loneliness isn’t just emotional — it’s physiological​. Chronic loneliness triggers the same stress response as physical pain.

So if we want a life that feels good, we don’t just need better routines — we need deeper relationships.

More presence. Less performance. More connection. Less optimization.

The Shift: From Looking Good to Feeling Good

A life that feels good isn’t necessarily glamorous.
It won’t always look impressive.
It won’t be Instagrammable every moment.

But it will be real.

Happiness isn’t in the next achievement, the next level, the next upgrade.
It’s in this moment.

The cup of coffee with an old friend.
The unplanned afternoon that turns into a memory.
The moment you realize you don’t need to prove anything to anyone — including yourself.

So let’s stop chasing a life that looks good.

And start building a life that feels good.

I’ve spent years exploring the concept of happiness — not just as an abstract idea, but as a lived experience. From The Good Life and Harvard’s research on well-being to The Pathless Path and the rejection of conventional success, from Zen and the Art of Saving the Planet to Plays Well with Others, each book has shaped my understanding of what truly matters. The more I read, the more I realized that happiness isn’t a reward at the end of a journey; it’s something we construct moment by moment. It’s not about avoiding struggle but about finding meaning in it.

Writing this isn’t about giving answers — it’s about sharing the questions that have shaped my own search for what it means to live well. If there’s one thing these books have taught me, it’s that happiness isn’t something you find. It’s something you practice.